I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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