Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
