Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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