This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
