So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
