the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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