haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
