Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
