Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
