I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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