If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
