I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I want to be your penis for a week.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
