yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
