Define "chronic" masturbator.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
