Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize