I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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