Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
