you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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