@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
