Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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