I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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