I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
