Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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