Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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