Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Please, let me fuck your mom
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
