I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
