I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
