why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
