No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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