Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
