wanna go halves on a baby?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
