I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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