Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
