dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He shit in the fireplace
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
