She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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