did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
