Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
