That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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