He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
