Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
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If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
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I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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