Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
