After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
