If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
