Your face is a jimmy john
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Randomize
