Are we in a gay sports bar?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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