You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
