Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
