Got a toothbrush?
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
