I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
