Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
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