Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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