just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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