guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just had sex bonerless
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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