I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
