Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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