just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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