I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
