Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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