My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
