i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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