Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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