that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
