i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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