I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
