I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
