any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
