So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize